Should we comfort our scared dogs?
In researching for this post, the resounding answer, across the internet is… “no!”
The reason? We don’t want to “reward” scared behavior and we don’t want our dogs to misinterpret our coddling as “my pack leader/alpha thinks there is a good reason to be afraid” or “Being afraid gets me affection, I should continue being afraid. Afraid is good..?”
This research was very difficult, as it required that I fight the urge to completely stop reading once I was referred to as a “pack leader” or “alpha.” For those of us who dare to think differently, here is an alternative viewpoint. A long time breeder pointed out that if the intent, behind not comforting our dogs, is to “behave more like a mother dog” then the opposite behavior would be true.
If you have ever hosted a mother and her pups in your home, you may have noticed that when those pups so much as squeak the wrong way, the mother dog comes a running. Even when the pups are in the hands of her long time, trusted, human companion she will come to nuzzle them, nuzzle the human, lick them, lick the human, pace around in a semi-panic needing immediate reassurance that her pup is “ok.” But wait, this behavior doesn’t sound like the “alpha” or “pack leader” behavior we have been told to imitate, over and over again, does it?
This same breeder goes on to say that if you’ve ever had a pup grow up in the same house with his biological dog mother you would see that this protectiveness continues. As the pup grows the mother dog remains protective and aloof, allowing her pup to nibble on her, bite her and jump on her, passed the point that she would allow any other dog do the same. The breeder notes that this can be harmful to the puppies socialization since mom lets them get away with far more than any other dog would. At a time when the growing pup should be learning, bite inhibition and manners in general.
So what does this mean for us humans? Should we take cues from the domesticated dogs ancestor, mother wolf or a much closer relative, their biological mother..? Probably not.
As I’ve mentioned before (and your dog already knows) we are not wolves and we are not their biological dog mothers. We are their human and their teachers. With this in mind, what CAN we do when our dogs get scared? We can focus on solutions.
For an immediate, actionable solution, give your dog a safe (and acceptable) place to go. This way, when they choose “flight” (to run away) over “fight” (to stand their ground) in a panic because the thunder or car (or insert scary thing here) was too loud and for a split second, they were unable to think rationally; they will have a default strategy to turn to. Thanks to their loving and thoughtful human and their wise guidance.
Inside, the “safe place” can be a crate or a “bed/place.” Outside, the “safe place” can be, at your feet, beside you or between your legs (depending on the size of your dog.) It is ok and natural to feel scared, what is not ok, is reacting in a panic or in a way that might get them hurt or injured.
A recall word is also very important to have. You do not have to ignore your dogs panic or avoid touching them but if you don’t want them attempting to crawl up your body like a tree, show them an alternative to the unwanted and potentially dangerous reaction. Ask yourself “What else they can do to feel safe that might be more appropriate?”
This is an immediate course of action like teaching a child an exit strategy in case of a fire. The long term plan, of course, is helping to avoid the fire in the first place. For dogs, music therapy is an excellent option. Victoria Stilwell a long time positive trainer and former host of the Animal Planet show “It’s Me or the Dog” has created musical tracks with calming sounds for animals. In the background, there can be quiet sounds of thunder or city streets or fireworks that will progressively get louder as you move forward through the tracks. Eventually, the sounds that once triggered your dog, should become nothing more than background noise.
So, should we comfort our dogs when they are scared? I say, “why not?” So long as comforting them is not your only, or permanent, plan of action. Implementation of a short and long term plan is necessary for your dogs safety. For your dogs confidence and mental health, make sure that you are not reacting harshly or panicked yourself.
When your dog barks at a knock on the door, for example, don’t immediately jump up and run to answer the door. Take a moment, thank your dog for the notification. Then give them something more appropriate to do. (“Sit and wait” for example.) With your dogs new job established, you may now answer your door.
With repetition, you will see change in what was once a fear based response. With your calm guidance and patience that response will become a proud bark alerting you to the knock, followed by a confident dog, doing exactly as he now knows he is meant to. This has been my experience and while Scout is still not perfect the difference between giving him a job and him choosing his own, are night and day!
The most important thing to keep in mind is that our canine companions only know what we teach them. Don’t get upset if they are not sure the proper way to behave in a specific given situation. We have brought dogs into our human world and it is our job to guide them through it. I, for one, would always rather my dog run towards me, than away from me.
THE WILD PRINCE
